Confessions...

Things I have said or done as a mother... this one will be updated as time goes on...

My parents came to see us recently and my dad saw that I kept my deodorant in the kitchen cupboard. He asked why? My response was simple... if I put it in the bathroom, they will eat it of course!

When else in life does a person scream bloody murder for hours on end just because they have to poop. Never.

Don't scoop ranch with your whole hand and then lick it off.

Don't lick the baby.

Please stop beating the door with your feet. I hear that you are awake with your screaming- the kicking is unnecessary.

I literally dare someone to break into my house... Oh good, a free helper!

For my birthday I seriously got $70 worth of coffee shop gift cards, and it was hands down the best present ever.

Hubby, "I got called for the train tonight, I will be home tomorrow."
Me, "hello? Pizza Hut?"

Stop eating the dish soap bubbles, they look pretty but are not food.

My neighbor "Gauge is loose want me to get him?"
Me "He isn't loose, I set him free."

Flour isn't the same as sugar don't try to sneak it like your doing something naughty. I am telling you not to eat it off the counter because it tastes like shit.

Don't eat the core to your apple (seeds, stem, and all)- you throw that part away. (They ate it anyways)

Coffee grounds aren't sand. But they are expensive.

No you can't have a bite of the lemon. No. No. No. No. Oh my GOSH! Stop asking. NO. NO. Fine, you want a bite? Fine, here.... told you so.

NO do NOT touch the dog there!

Don't you hate when toilet paper is stuck to the bathroom wall? Nothing makes you want to disinfect your entire house more than that.

Stop eating the playdough, your poop is going to be blue....again.

I realized we only had enough ice cream left for me or them. I told them we were out, put them to bed, and ate it.