The Road Trip

The Road Trip is much like Child Birth. How? I will get to that, but first let's talk about why we do it. Road trips always sound like fun on paper. Getting some good family time in the car, seeing new things, singing songs and enjoying the fresh air...  Just you and the open road, right? No. Not right. It is a total lie.

Going on a road trip with large family is sometimes more work than it's worth. Going on a road trip with a large family full of toddlers is 100% more work than it is worth. There are a few reasons why I know for a fact this statement is true. As all moms know, the road trip starts a few days before with the packing. I wouldn't even consider it a road trip. It's basically just a small moving experience. With a large family, and with small children; you basically bring everything you own and relocate it to a new destination for a few days. Then you re-pack ALL your belongings and relocate them back to your own house and do laundry for 5 days straight just to catch up. With little ones, it's not like you just toss some outfits in a bag and call it a day. No. You bring everything they own in case they pee on something. I am talking: cuppies, diapers, formula, baby food, baby chairs, special blankets/stuffed animals, the entire toy box, the list goes on.

Once you have packed the essentials for basic survival. You will pack all the things that you need to stay mentally sane for the remainder of the trip. Usually, I start with the toy box. There is nothing worse than a crew if bored toddlers and preschoolers in the car for 8 hours. So in order to avoid that from happening, the entire toy box must come. I also usually get them some coloring things as well to keep them occupied. Luckily, they are awesome listeners and NEVER color on the van seats... right. The only wonderful thing about this situation is this: it will be the only time you can tie down your children legally for 8 hours and not have to chase them. So, after our multicolored- newly decorated van is loaded up we head down the road and onto the new phase of the trip.

Phase two in the torcher trip: Questions! They ask a million times when we will be there, they ask when we will eat, they ask if they can go potty, they ask where we are, they ask, and ask, and ask. Now, don't get me wrong I totally understand their excitement and joy. But that doesn't mean it doesn't drive me completely bat shit crazy. 

Phase three: Once they get bored with all the questions they will go on to the boredom. Their carload of toys are booooooring mom! What do they do when they are bored? They fight and argue. Let's face it by hour 8 we are all just trying not to explode.... or maybe that's just me? What should be a 6 hour car ride will always take an extra 2 hours. I have calculated it's about an extra 30 minutes per kid, at least.

Once we arrive at the destination, we have to un-pack all 8 million belongings that we have brought with us. Normal families bring a few bags and maybe a baby seat. Our family takes over where we are staying. It literally looks like we have moved in and plan to stay the year. It takes 2-3 days just to unpack and find all the things we need, and by then it's time to pack up and leave!

So, leaving and headed home is always a worse ride. Mainly because all you are going home to is the endless amount of laundry and reorganization. Going on a road trip is like poking yourself with a safety-pin repeatedly for 8 hours straight. I don't know why the government even messes around with prisons, just trap someone in my car on an 8 hour road trip and they would never commit a crime again.

Now how is The Road Trip like Child Birth, you ask? Because for some insane unnatural reason, we will eventually do it again. Maybe we will even be excited about it! Here is the twisted part: It may even be our own idea. That is how The Road Trip is like Child Birth.