The One-Uppers

The Online One-Upper

The one-upper breed of mother is one of the most irritating creatures on the planet. They are the real life drama lamas of motherhood and they aim to get under your skin. In the mommy club, those are the awkward moms everyone makes fun of for being full of lies. It is fairly easy to find these mothers. They mainly focus their craziness on social websites such as Facebook. You know that friend you have that posts bizarre pictures that look entirely impossible? They post posed pictures of thier 5 month old standing and walking the toy across the room? The 4 month old sitting upright... the 4 month old in the crawling position. Basically if you can think of a milestone, take a picture of your baby doing that milestone one to two months in advance, then gloat about how awesome and "advanced" they are 24/7. Especially gloat to other moms who have children roughly around said baby's age. All of this will give you an Online One-Upper.

 

The In-Person One-Upper

These in-person one-uppers are easy to find hanging around the bigger city park. (Tip: You want to meet nice moms? Go to your neighborhood park... the crazy moms are at the bigger city park.) The in person one-upper spends the time talking with you in a weird way. Instead of being friendly and wanting to get along, they say socially awkward things. For example, if any topic of nursing, diapers, or dietary food comes up... it’s all over. This mom gloats about how she is still nursing her 15 year old, cloth diapers ONLY (consider yourself lucky if she doesn't go into detail about the brands. oy), and they don't drink cow’s milk. Ever. (Do not even ask why, it is mind numbing).  The one upper doesn't really care about being organic, making things homemade, or cloth diapering to save the environment. They do these things for the only purpose of getting to say, "Yeah I do that", simply because it’s "in".  These moms make it a point to put the other mom in a position of lesser than. The only real thing to look out for with these moms is a long friendship. I have found with one-uppers, there is always a strange wall up between them and the friendship. It’s always a game of one upping and fake facade. Not to be a negative Nancy, just what I have noticed and personally experienced in my one-upper friends. The sure way to get though the conversation with a one-upper is: smile and nod… just smile and nod. See that high road? Take it… then get the hell outta there!